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Intimacy is a tough thing to achieve sometimes in any relationship. Many mistake sex for intimacy, however, intimacy in a relationship goes beyond that and involves being open with each other, being honest. It means talking through your thoughts and emotions all the way, letting your guard down and showing your partner exactly how you feel, sharing your lives. It’s mostly like sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings. Creating intimacy means building trust. Obviously making love to your partner definitely does involve a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness, it also involves trust and being vulnerable. All of this is part of intimacy. My boyfriend and I have made our resolutions early, but plan to stick with them through 2015! We are calling for more intimacy in our relationship because our lives are so incredibly busy, it’s hard to find time to connect.
So how do you keep intimacy alive in a relationship when your life is so crazy you don’t know which way you’re coming or going? Here are a few of the ideas we have implemented for the New Year. We plan to spice things up and we aren’t afraid to try something new!
It’s not as difficult as you think.
Talk openly with your partner about how you are feeling, what you need from the relationship. Be honest, because without it, there’s no use. You have to let your guard down, and be willing to open up. When you do this, you might be surprised at how receptive your partner is, and how incredibly rewarding it is. My boyfriend and I try to schedule special alone time in bed. No, I’m not talking about sex just yet, I’m talking about just laying together, touching each other, holding hands and talking. Just talking about what we want, what we see for the future, why we had that fight yesterday that got out of hand, how we plan to fix it in the future… we talk. Genuinely talk.
2. Remember the good things.
You need to tell your partner the good things about them. How much you love them, how much you appreciate them and all the little things they do. Several months ago, I created a handwritten list for my boyfriend filled with 20 reasons why I love him. I included well thought out, detailed explanations, and examples. I want him to know why I think he has such a giving heart, so I provided him with exact examples of things he has done that makes me see him that way. I will be honest (though he might be mad at me ha!) he cried after the second one. And cried through the whole list and has dozens and dozens of times told me since that nobody in his 51 years has ever done that for him. That’s sad. We all need to be reminded about why we are loved and appreciated and I’m grateful we did that. We now keep two journals, one for him and one for me. At the end of every single day, we take 5 minutes and write down our favorite thing about each other that day. If we didn’t do this, I would have no idea that yesterday when I reached for his hand in the car, when he was talking about something particularly stressful, it meant everything to him at that moment. How would I know that, if we didn’t do that? See how simple that was? Celebrate each other.
3. Create opportunities for intimacy.
What do I even mean by that? Take time out to be together as a couple. Not just to run errands or hang out in front of the TV, but do things together. Have a date night at the very least once a month, but more would be better. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but put the phones and computers away and be together. Take a walk together and just talk. Lie in bed and talk. Reach for his hand, put your arm around her. Just be together, uninterrupted, as a couple.
4. Find a deeper level of intimacy.
First, you have to accept that your relationship is going to have highs and lows. This is especially true for couples who have been together for a long period of time, have any financial difficulties or extra stress, etc. It’s at that time, you have to push forward and discover a deeper side to both of you. Who you might think you are, has probably changed and evolved as the relationship has changed and evolved. A marriage that is seven years old, is NOT going to be the same as the first year. Goals, dreams, aspirations and desires are going to be very different seven years later. Talk about those, plan together, get to know every wish, desire and intimate detail about your partner. Peel the layers back and really figure out ways to connect on a deeper level. Make it rough and raw, it’s just better that way.
5. Here’s where I talk about sex.
Don’t just have sex. Make love. Take your time. Look into each others eyes. Talk if you’re comfortable, even during it. And if you’re really daring, go pick up a fun product to kick it up a notch and open up to your partner about what you like. For instance, the K-Y® DATE NIGHT kit is the perfect kit for a romantic evening at home. It includes 1 free meal for two people from PEACHDISH.com delivered to your door for an intimate night of cooking together, a $5 VUDU movie credit for you to stream right at home and the pleasure of K-Y® DATE NIGHT Couples Lubricants. Perfect for a date night in! ($50 value, was only $14.97 at our Walmart!) My boyfriend and I have made a few resolutions this year and
Recently, I ran to Walmart to pick some up. I decided to bring the boyfriend WITH me rather than springing it on him at the last minute, but I had heard some amazing things about this and I wanted to give it a try. So yes, we headed to Walmart together, hand in hand we walked to the ‘Family Planning’ aisle where it is located and stopped dead in front of where it was. Well, where it was supposed to be. There was one box left. He looked at me, I looked at him and we both reached for the remaining box at the same time. We weren’t losing our chance at this wonderful product.
See the empty shelf? haha Apparently there are a lot of couples looking to find ways to keep intimacy alive!
Honestly, we giggled like kids in a candy store, we were so proud we grabbed the last one! Lucky us!
Just remember a few things. Intimacy in a relationship doesn’t just happen. I wish it did, because life would be easier. It is instead built up over time. But it is a very important aspect to a healthy, long relationship.
I’ve shared my New Years Resolutions with you; I’d love to hear about yours! Leave a comment sharing something you are working to improve with your partner this year. We can always use new suggestions and ideas!